Oct. 27, 2014
I have been officially diagnosed with depression. Its weird. I feel crazy. And I kind of wish I didn't know. I mean..sure its great getting help but apart of me is ashamed. It makes me feel weak. Like I can't handle life. But at this moment I feel like I'm drowning. I can feel the water rush over my head and I can't breathe. I get so anxious. I'm frustrated. My mood goes up and down. My "happy" feels like a drug high.
Idk how to tell my mom. I don't want her to feel bad about it. I don't want her to feel like she helped stress me out to this point.
So...I feel unwanted. I feel a lot of things. My thoughts are unclear. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I am. My world is just stressful now. Idk what to do. :/
And let me not mention...how I lose interest in everything and one now. Its like I can't help it. I just lose interest and wanna just not talk to the person anymore. Its like I'm over it before it starts. Doesn't make sense.
Now I work too. I hate my job tho. Love my coworkers. Still dealing with school too. Ugh. I have no friends. Well...none close by anymore. I ruined those friendships. I feel alone cause I am alone. Hopefully the pills the doctor gave me helps.
I have been officially diagnosed with depression. Its weird. I feel crazy. And I kind of wish I didn't know. I mean..sure its great getting help but apart of me is ashamed. It makes me feel weak. Like I can't handle life. But at this moment I feel like I'm drowning. I can feel the water rush over my head and I can't breathe. I get so anxious. I'm frustrated. My mood goes up and down. My "happy" feels like a drug high.
Idk how to tell my mom. I don't want her to feel bad about it. I don't want her to feel like she helped stress me out to this point.
So...I feel unwanted. I feel a lot of things. My thoughts are unclear. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I am. My world is just stressful now. Idk what to do. :/
And let me not mention...how I lose interest in everything and one now. Its like I can't help it. I just lose interest and wanna just not talk to the person anymore. Its like I'm over it before it starts. Doesn't make sense.
Now I work too. I hate my job tho. Love my coworkers. Still dealing with school too. Ugh. I have no friends. Well...none close by anymore. I ruined those friendships. I feel alone cause I am alone. Hopefully the pills the doctor gave me helps.
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