This is one of those moments where I feel like a failure.  But I don't think anyone understands it.  So...I'll just type it here.  I guess it all started cause I wanted to make female friends.  And I just couldn't.  I even joined sites and I wasn't able to find a friend.  That sounds kind of sad.  Makes me feel like a weirdo.  Like I can't make not even one friend.  So..I got a job instead.  And then school started.  But its not enough.  Its like I'm craving something more and yet I can't get it.  I remember having all these so called female friends and now...I'm alone.

Now I feel like a failure.  I'm gonna start taking those happy pills.  Cause Something is really wrong.  Something isn't right anymore.  I'm always thinking it would be better if I wasn't here.  If I just would disappear.  I think about ways I can do that.  I know that isn't good.  I know the path that can lead down.  I used to cut myself years ago.  So..I can't go back down that road.  But its always on my mind.  So today was day one.  Hopefully in a about a two weeks..I will feel different.